5th Kyu Essay

One of things I have seen come up over and over in my my study of Aikido are the stories about how different it is to train in Japan compared to North America. Some tales were of the "good old days" where people might have seemed to be more over the top than they tend to be today, but part of me eventually started to ask, "what is so special about over there?"

To answer it one way, they have some of the best teachers in the world, they beat in the very heart of the culture that gave birth to this art.

To answer it another way, they don't have anything special. In the end, I have to do my own breakfalls. The only Aikido I have is the Aikido I do. And although having a teacher that can point you in the right direct is invaluable, it is the individual that has to dive in and do the training. All they have is people. All we have is people. As one of those people, what will you bring to the mat?

The Essay...

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At the Yoshinkan Hombu Dojo in Japan, there lives an interesting group of people called Uchideshi. These live-in students are responsible for the care of the dojo and its instructors in addition to their own heavy training schedule. Soke Gozo Shioda called this living “Shugyo”, a devoted ascetic practice that required the student to be continually aware and attentive to the needs that arise. In the West, this style of training is rarely encountered. The training that some of us do in a week, the Uchideshi do in a morning. It would be great to train more, and we should, but the real challenge is to engage in Shugyo in the life we have. In a nonresidential dojo this would be much harder: harder, not impossible.

The nature of Shugyo is care. It is about taking care of our self, our partners, our instructors and our dojo. This is a training that we have to set about with deliberate effort. Much of society teaches us to only take care of ourselves. There is certain need for that mentality, but it does not entirely work in Aikido. We can't do Aikido by ourselves. Not only do others need to be there, but we need to connect with them. Aikido comes from those connections. When there is a pull, enter. When there is a push, pivot. When there is a need, meet it.

In a nonresidential dojo, there are fewer needs to meet, but they are still there. What can we do? Well, we can sweep the mats, straighten the buki racks, fold Sensei's Hakama, dust, work with a junior, help others train after class, carry Sensei's bag, help lock up, run to our spot, pay close attention, sit still, and be a good Uke, just to name a few. Many of these are practical needs and basic courtesy, but when fully engaged they are Shugyo. Through this type of training we develop a more complete connection to everything around us.

Going through the motions doesn’t do it (someone recently told me that it is possible to die stupid). It’s not about training everyday, its about training now. Take this time and really enter it. Milk it for all that it is worth. Ever moment is full of opportunities for training.

6th Kyu Essay

There were 2 things that inspired this particular essay. First, I had a chance to do some basic introductory Kyudo practice in Toledo during this time. If I recall correctly, the 7 defilements were part of the meditative teachings of the art in the Zen tradition. The other inspiration was

kote gaeshi. What made this technique difficult was the breakfall we used with it. I could do #3 breakfalls, but this technique takes away uke's lead hand. At the time, it fealt like a supreme act of bravery to leap into the air, rotating around that arm. Clearly, I surived.

The essay...

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Heart of Iron

Can we be truly receptive to what this moment offers?

The nature of this practice is such that we will encounter barriers. Early on most of these barriers are physical. Break falls, pivots, Nikajo, hand positions; there is a lot to be attentive to. As we encounter these barriers, many seem impossible. If we continue to train, we soon see that we continually pass through these impassable barriers as though walking down the street. However, if we think that this is purely a physical pursuit, we may be blind to other obstacles. The obstacles that emerge in our minds are often more disastrous because they steal us away from training, from countless opportunities to grow. If we do not deal with these obstacles, an invisible ceiling will eventually block our growth.

Given the physical nature of the martial arts, it is natural to try to see all obstacles as physical puzzles. However, it is here that the meditative nature of the martial arts tends to emerge. This is made very clear in the study of Kyudo (archery). This practice is sometimes practiced, even by experienced practitioners, at less than one bow’s length from the target. So if the shooter can’t miss, then the question must be asked, what is being accomplished? Primarily, the archer is studying him or her self. Within the practice they identify seven defilements (reactions) which unsettle the mind. These are: excessive happiness, anger, anxiety, thinking, depression, fear, and surprise.

In Aikido, it is obvious how fear, anxiety, and anger twist our mind away from the moment of training. Holding back from a difficult break fall or wasting our time in worry about working with a difficult technique (or person) steal our attention away from the moment of training. Less obvious, but still reasonable to the average student, is how depression or thinking block our way. When we are depressed about something inside or outside the dojo, not only are we distracted, but we feel completely helpless to resolve the situation. If we over think our practice, we may become obsessed with mechanics and lose the importance of feeling in understanding a technique. Perhaps in thinking too much we are thinking ahead to the next test and end up unable to focus on the training of the moment. These poisons are fairly clear, but how can happiness or surprise limit our development?

We are clearly happy with this practice, or we would not be here. However, what we eventually come to see is that this practice is fluid, and constantly developing. IF we are over elated by some success, we can become stuck in that moment, missing the chance to flow forward. When we are surprised we again step out of the flow. As Sh’te or Uke surprise can cause us to freeze in the middle of a technique or new situation.

These obstacles to the mind are difficult to deal with. Our fear, anger or happiness seem logical and justified. But however we rationalize these reactions, they continue to steal away the moment. In falling into these traps, we allow our mind to be moved. We generate this problem ourselves, and thus it is truly a gateless gate.

How then should we enter this training? We should definitely pay attention to what we are doing. But beyond that, we should be attentive to our state of mind and how we react during training. We should not criticize ourselves when we our mind falters. Doing this is just another form of the distraction. We should simply notice that our mind is off, and bring it back on track. Through this type of training, our own immovable mind will develop and refine just as our technique does. If the mind goes off center, the body will follow. When the mind is limited, so are the possibilities of reacting spontaneously to the moment. When the mind is in the center, tethered, the body and spirit can flow around it like a hurricane. Great flourishes of activity, anchored in the center.

7th Kyu Essay: Taking the Wheel.

Many of my early essays grew out of something that I specifically noticed in the dojo, and then extrapolated to everyday life. This one went the other way. It came up at a time where I was becoming very frustrate with how work kept making me angry. A variety of sources were quickly put forth by the universe to remind me that anger, and all my reactions originate from within.

Here is what came up.

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Taking the Wheel

There is a great contradiction in our society and in our lives. While many people seek power and control over the world around them, they are victims within their own lives. It is very easy to see the desire for power and control. People may want wealth, status, or just to be the alpha male/female in their own circles. In one form or another they seek to control the people and situations in the universe outside their body. Ultimately, they fail. However, this failure does not deter them from trying again and again to control and direct the universe.

Meanwhile, as they rush about trying to control others, they are achieving the opposite. They allow others control their lives moment to moment. They have created a world for themselves in which everything that happens to them (usually the bad stuff) is the result of another person’s actions. They cannot escape this deluded cycle. In our society as a whole, this way of thinking is an accepted norm. “He made me angry” or “They screwed up my entire day” are familiar phrases in our lives. In these events however, there are two things happening; the actions of that other person and our reaction. So how can we stop this? We certainly can not stop the other person from doing angering things. There are far too many other people and too many potentially angering actions (do we really think we can make everyone act the way we want them too?). There is only one place left to find the answer and that is within ourselves.

We have done a lot of work in our society to condition ourselves as victims. We refuse to take responsibility for our lives (“He made me angry”). In fact we cherish the anger. We rationalize that since that person did some horrible thing to us, we are entitled to be angry. We completely miss the source of the anger. We completely ignore the damage the anger does to us because we have convinced ourselves the anger should be there.

If we realize that the anger comes from our own hearts and minds, and not from outside, then we can take responsibility for it. Did that guy still do the horrible thing? Yes. What then is different? By taking responsibility for our thoughts, reactions and anger, we empower our lives. We can, at that point, act to improve or resolve the problem. We don’t change the dumb thing our buddy did, but rather the problem our mind turned it into. When we blame others, we become helpless to do anything about the situation because we see the problem as being outside of ourselves. We know deep down that we cannot control those things outside of ourselves.

Cut through the conditioning. Cut through the rationalizations. Cut through the victimized perception. Realize the power that we have to act within our own lives and minds. Stop making our happiness dependent on the conditions of the external universe. Seek out your own mind and work from there.

8th Kyu Essay

When I began Aikido, I was trying in earnest to see the connection between the physical training of the art and the many interactions in my daily life. I tried to understand each person I met in the same way I was trying to understand my connection to my training partner.

During the essay, I make the statement that there must be more settings to our compassion than on and off. I see it differently now. My current understanding has compassion in a permanent "on" state. However, the source of that resonance is different for me now. I am not sure I can explain it at this time. Anyway, this is what came out.

The Essay...

originally submitted in August of 2004

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Compassion

Is sympathy the same as compassion? Does it mean having a bleeding heart? With all the horrible things that happen each day, compassion means being aware that the people we encounter are affected by AIDS, rape, poverty, violence, hunger, hatred and all the various carriers of misery. It means being ready and accepting of those you meet in life that have been affected somehow by these many miseries.

In this day, our society is greatly desensitized to suffering. We have a reactive compassion. This is why it takes terrorist bombings in our own hemisphere, murders in our own town or disease in our own family to touch that sense of compassion. We react. Sometimes we pour ourselves into that situation, seeking to heal those wounds. Sometimes we stand helpless in the middle of our own fear and frustration. Then, as time

widens our distance from the event, and the vivid experience fades into memory, we

eventually return to the numb awareness of our daily lives. In this way, in many ways, we are not truly in touch with compassion.

Compassion is not a light switch. There are more settings than ON and OFF. What if we could maintain that contact with compassion? Not just when Uke is pulling, but when he is pushing. If we can engage this life; if we can engage this universe, then we can touch everywhere. When the universe pushes, we pivot and direct our energy into the universe. When it pulls, we can move in kind. When we stand off from the universe, the push rushes towards us and hits us like a freight train.

As you close with this universe, all becomes one in you. It does not require everyone on the planet to do the same. You transform the world from the ground on which you stand. This liberates us within the misery of the universe. Bombs will still explode, diseases will still weaken us, and babies will still die.

So what changes? The way in which we react is what changes.

How will we respond to this marvelous life? Will we blend with the flow of life, or will we let it hit us like a freight train? How will we engage the universe around us? Hopefully, we can learn to engage it with a continuous, ceaseless compassion.

Push, pivot. Pull, blend.

No gaps.