Growth and Maturity

My teacher once told me a story about a man who was looking to enroll his two sons at our dojo. They had earned black belts in another art (a striking art) after about 2 years. The father wanted the black belts to carry over. Sensei told him that it did not work that way, and we never saw them again. (Sensei, I apologize if I got any of the details wrong).

There was a mind of gain at work in that father, but it was not a unique one. In the martial arts, people often view a black belt as an end. Get there, and you're done. Even those who hang around a while can become more concerned with rank than with the art itself.

At other dojos I have seen people pushed ahead because they "put in their time". People rush forward as though they need to get somewhere. Maybe they need to get to Shodan so they can have a black belt. Maybe they want to get to Sandan so they can promote people to Shodan. Maybe they just want to get to rank "X" so that they will be more senior than 'so-and-so'.

When I was in Tae Kwon Do in my youth, I really did not care about rank. Training was fun and I got a lot out of it. When I tried to get back into martial arts through karate as an adult, I had a need to gain rank, and regain what I had once achieved. It poisoned the experience and my interest died.

When I found Aikido, I just really liked Aikido. I had a sense of wanting to get to Shodan, since I had stopped just shy of my black belt in Tae Kwon Do. When I was granted my Shodan, I spent a few months of not knowing what to do next.  Having reached my goal, I was left wondering what to "do" next.  My training had been lightly coated with the same mind of gain and loss that had tainted my experience in karate.

I was fortunate to have good teachers in my life, so rather than being discouraged, my mind was redirected to what made Aikido so wonderful in the first place. Training. There is no one to beat, and no one to be beaten by. There is no one to pass, and no one to be passed by. The only opponent that can possibly arise is me.

The mental work that needs to be done with the fear of a jumping breakfall when receiving kotegaeshi is no different than the mental work that needs to be done with that feeling of needing to be a higher rank than 'so and so'.

There is no rank that can make you a worthwhile person. There is no title that will suddenly make you 'count' as a human being. You already do and you already are. It has always been thus.

Next month, if all things go well, my friend David will become the 10th person to earn the rank of Shodan at the Seikokan. It has been a well tred path for David. He is quiet, focussed and attentive to detail. He grasps the concept of spirit and expresses it in a sincere and humble manner. I am certain it will be a good test.

On that same day, Sensei's most senior students will be testing for Yondan. When I began training they were about to test for Ikkyu. I have watched their technique ripen and mature over time. This, ultimately is what we are cultivating in Budo. We refine technique, distance, balance, timing and spirit, the only way they can be: over time.

Spring and Balance

So far, this has been a very busy Spring on many fronts.  The dojo is no exception.  We have a Yondan test approaching for Sensei's 2 most senior students, an very solid adult program (top heavy and good quality), and Seminars out the wazoo.

Kenshu is wrapping up and the slightest sparks of excitement around the culminating presentation are beginning to build.  There is a lot of growth in the air.  Without looking outside or giving any attention to the weather, it feels like spring.

For me personally, this has been a very difficult year.  It has been difficult to stay healthy and work has been as hard and stressful as it has ever been in my life.  There have been many anchors to stability and sanity in these times.  Aikido has been a constant one.

The fall began with preparations for Nidan.  Although my cardiovascular conditioning was not where it was for Shodan, I felt good about the test in general.  It took over a month for the official promotion to come from Japan, but I was pleased with the experience.  From there, more and more things seemed to be competing for my time on training days.  Sickness and injury aside, the girls needed more of my presence this year, and I'd like to think I did a good job of being there for them.  Training time took a definite cut.  But when I was there, the challenges and the spirit of the training were waiting from me.

Earlier in my training, I would have been more likely to NOT make the extra time for my family.  Stress at home would result, and I would justify it by telling myself that I was doing something very important in personal development.  OR, I would also be likely to make more time for my family and spend a lot of energy feeling guilty that I was not at Aikido.  Choosing to undertake any personal activity outside of the home while maintaining a healthy family life is a balancing act to be sure.  No one can tell you where that balance should be.  Well, they can (and often do), but it does not mean anything unless the balance works for you and your life.

Spring is here and the fact that things are always changing is fairly evident.  The Kenshu presentation is approaching, and our dojo's own seminar will be part of our 10th anniversary celebration that testifies to Sensei Lemmon's efforts and those of the dojo community.

It is a time of growth and change.  Things come.  Things go.  Things are always different.  That is the balance.